The Broken Pot

A couple weeks ago, we took a monthly “Day with the Lord”.  At the beginning of the day, I prayed a sentence that I knew would be a hard one to let out: “Lord, break me.”  In the first 5 weeks of us being here, things were going well.  But I was kind of running on auto-pilot.  And on that day, I knew that something needed to happen, something needed to change.  As scary as it was to ask, because that leaves the door WIDE open for whatever God wants to do, I knew it had to be done. 

One of my favorite metaphors is me as a clay pot, but one that is very misshapen according to God’s standards and desires.  As a Christian, my goal is to draw closer to God and to strive to become more like Christ.  But, because my shape is so off from what he wants, God has to break me apart into tiny pieces, add His Living Water to moisten the clay, and then reform the clay into the pot I was originally intended to be.  So this is what I meant when I asked Him to break me. 

However, like most broken things, the process is hard and painful.  Since I prayed that prayer, God has broken me of so many things.  He has revealed so many sins of my everyday life that need to be corrected.  And what’s worse for my problem-solving mindset, they cannot be solved overnight.  They are big issues, many of which have been present in my life for years.  For example, it hurts to be constantly seeing how my intense desire for acceptance, worth, and value from my teammates makes me so upset and angry when I do not feel like I am receiving it.  It is painful to think about how I should be ONLY seeking God’s approval and not that of men. 

While it has been emotionally draining and mentally difficult to realize and process all of this, I can also see how God has answered my original prayer: to be so broken, that I have no choice but to rely fully and solely on Him.  And although many of my issues have not come even close to being solved, I can see how the Lord is working in my heart, transforming me.  He is taking my misshapen pot of a self, breaking me into little tiny pieces, adding the Living Water full of Grace, Love, and Forgiveness in Jesus’ death and resurrection, and reforming me to look and become more like the ultimate role model, Christ.  And for that, I have more joy, happiness, excitement, peace, and comfort than I could ever ask for.  I am excited to see the changes that will come over the next 8 months from those 3 simple words I prayed on September 27.  

As I sat today, praying for my teammates who were out sharing and trying to process all that has been on my mind in the past few weeks, I came across Psalms 60-63.  While I would recommend reading all four of those chapters, I have included references for some key verses that have really inspired me, as well as my favorite of the 4, Psalm 63:

Psalm 61:1-3

Psalm 62:1,2,5,7,8,11,12

Psalm 63

     "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.  Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.  I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.  On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.  Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.  My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.  They who seek my life will be destroyed; they will go down to the depths of the earth.  They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals.  But the king will rejoice in God; all who swear by God's name will praise him, while the mouths of liars will be silenced."